Tomorrow Anna turns 1 year old. I cannot believe it has already been a year. I know every mother says that, but oh how true it is. I still remember this day so vividly, so it doesn't feel like a year. And usually you can't remember the first 6 months anyway, so when they turn 1 it simply feels way too soon. 
And it is too soon. I spent my whole life as a little girl dreaming of the day I would marry my prince and have babies. Most girls don't dream much farther than that. And now I enter a new stage of toddlers and small children, schooling and sports, and many more things to come. The idea is cumbersome. I cried last week after Anna rested her head on my chest knowing that she'll never be this small again. My babies are grown out of infancy. It was a sweet moment I hope I never forget. Only will I experience such sweetness when I hold my grandchildren (unless God hands us a bonus baby). It's very bittersweet, and the ache grows up into my throat as I dwell on it. 
And it is time to look forward to what we will experience as a complete family. In just a couple more years there will be no more diapers, not as many "needs" for mommy to meet as they will be more independent, and hopefully more sleep for everyone. Yet, as "they" say, cherish these moments, for they pass way too quickly. And they were right. Tonight I laid her down to sleep, and for her last night as an infant I held back that ache as it crept into my throat. And I said "good night my sweet baby. See you in the morning."
Below is the blog post from a year ago. Since my blog went haywire on me I decided to repost with a few photos from the hospital and when she was 1 week old. The week-old portraits were done by Bloom by Jasmine Photography.
June 1, 2013
I awoke that morning at about 6:30am to some simple, yet real, contractions. One here, one there. Nothing much. After a few I decided I should time them just to be sure. At this point they were coming about every 10 minutes and were lasting about 45 seconds. Still, they weren't too regular, so I didn't think much of it. Tom decided it would be a good idea to take our dog Payton over to his brother's house, just in case, and then he called his mom to have her come over to watch the kids - again, just in case. I showered, ate some light food (just in case, of course), and then called the doctor's office at 9am when they opened. I was told to come in when I could to be checked. By 10am Tom and I had our bags packed and ready to go and headed to the docs office, leaving Grammy with the kids. By this time the contractions were taking my breath away, they hurt, and were about 7 minutes apart. When my doctor checked me she said I was dilated to 6 or 7cm and about 80% effaced. I was officially in labor! She told us to go straight to the hospital and she would be about 10 minutes behind.
On the way to the hospital Tom was timing the drive and I timed my contractions, asking him to avoid bumps! He dropped me off at the ER drop off (it was the only door open on the weekend) at 10:40am and I walked in and told the girl at the desk, "I'm in labor." She called for a nurse. By the time Tom met up with me I was being whisked away to labor and delivery. By the time I was able to get "dressed" and ready for labor my contractions weren't stopping and I was in laborious agony. Still trying to breath smoothly, the nurse said I was 9.5cm and it was too late for medicinal intervention. Oh, at that point I would've given anything for an epidural or narcotic (gasp!). It was in my birth plan that I wanted NO narcotics. At this point I knew she was coming and I wanted relief, so I didn't care. As I laid there I was telling Tom "I can't" all the while knowing that I have to anyway! I wanted to cry but I didn't have time to worry about that. I was doing my best to breath and go with the flow, but, uh, well, it was rather intense. So here I am, secretly pushing because I didn't know what else to do, even though the doctor wasn't there yet. My water then broke, no, popped like a balloon, and all I remember through my closed eye lids were the sounds of shock as the nurses didn't expect such a rush of water! At this point the OB on call came in since my doctor still wasn't at the hospital. Then we were in business! Time to start pushing, it was all I could do, even though I really didn't want to do it because I was in pain. I wanted a break. I didn't get one. She was coming! A few pushes and she was out. My doctor finally came in to deliver the shoulders and the rest of Anna. She was born at 11:15am.
Here are some pictures of her first days in this world.
